"You will find true love on Flag Day."

So, I've had issues with fortune cookies for awhile now. Over the past couple of years, I've noticed an annoying trend that sees them offering not fortunes but rather advice or "wise" sayings. So desperate have I been to receive an actual fortune that I was genuinely happy to crack open a cookie and discover this little tidbit, "A carrot a day, will keep the cancer away." Okay, it's not a fortune along the lines of, "You will soon receive an unexpected blessing," but it does have the word "will" in it, meaning it is foretelling a future event. I'll take it.

But last night, oh last night, the Golden Bowl Fortune Cookie Company out did itself. Ready for it?

"Someone can read your mind."

I ask you, what the hell does that mean? I mean, okay, I know what it means because it is kind of self-explanatory but...but...but... What the hell? That's not a fortune. And it's not advice. And it's not a saying. It's just a statement and a pretty paranoid one at that. Who have they hired to write these things? Maybe they shouldn't have let that new guy with the hat made out of aluminum foil have a typewriter.

It's just...really sad to think this is the best they could come up with. And I, for one, will not stand for it! There needs to be fortune cookie reform and it needs to come soon. If not, I fear for future generations who will never again no the pleasure of receiving secret knowledge as to their impending wealth or happy life change. We need to think of the children. Please, won't somebody think of the children?!